April 2019 Newsletter
Hello, and an amazing April to you!
How do you talk to yourself?
Welcome, or welcome back, to my newsletter.
Today's issue is about self-talk, how it can hurt you or help you.
Are you your own biggest fan and cheerleader, or are you your biggest critic?
You may have a friend who is constantly talking about herself in a disparaging
manner, saying "I'm so stupid!" when she makes a simple mistake, or I'm
so fat!" when she gains a pound or two. When I meet someone like this, I wonder
if the person is repeating words heard from a critical parent or coach
or teacher years ago, which have now been owned and internalized. And I use this
negative self-talk as an example of what I don't want to do to myself!
Self-criticism doesn't feel good. When I gently challenge someone I hear making a
derogatory remark about himself or herself, the person will often say "But I am bad with
money!" (or whatever the negative focus is), as if it's an unchangeable fact. When I point out
that repeating what you're not happy about reinforces it, I can see them struggle trying
to embrace the opposite, which feels like a lie, a laughable fantasy. How can someone say "I'm
rich!" when the rent is due and there's no money to pay it? Being wealthy is too far removed
from the person's current state to be believable.
To stay with the theme of finances, of course saying "I'm rolling in wealth!" feels sad and
cruel if you have major debt, and your energy system will reject it outright. You might try
"I'm learning better financial habits", or "I used to be terrible with money,
and I'm becoming more responsible". You want to say something you believe which feels
encouraging, to urge you to continue going forward on this healthy path. It won't be
helpful if it's too different from your current self-image -- you won't let it in.
When you speak positively about yourself, does a little voice argue with you? You might be
congratulating yourself with "I got out to exercise 4 times this past week. Good for me!". Then the
little voice, like a devil on your shoulder ready to tear you down, chimes in with "You'll never keep this
up. You know you're naturally lazy!". In my EFT training
(for more about EFT
we call this little voice a tail-ender. You tell yourself you can do something, and instead of a warm feeling
of optimism, you feel hopeless because the little voice adds "Yeah, right!" sarcastically, or "Not in a
Once your nay-saying voice has been identified, don't try to silence it. Let it speak, so you can understand what
it's trying to tell you. Maybe it just wants to keep you from aiming for the stars, then being
disappointed when you only reach the treetops. Or maybe this isn't even your own negative voice, but that of
some authority figure in your past, and you realize it doesn't apply in the present situation.
This kind of conflict can drain your energy, keeping you from moving forward with what you hope to accomplish.
You can experiment with journaling about this, or debating out loud, giving both sides air time. Try saying "I can do this!",
then "No, I can't! Who am I kidding?", maybe tapping while you talk if you know EFT. When I do this for a few minutes I usually
end up laughing at myself, which is a wonderful release of energy. Whatever your strategy for transforming the Voice Of
Doom And Gloom into a supportive fan, it's worth doing. Like the Little Engine That Could from the children's
story, if you truly think you can do it, you'll find that's usually the future you create for yourself.
To see an article about how self-talk affects vision,
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Enjoy the start of your April.
I'll write again in a couple of weeks. Take care!