March 2021 Newsletter
Hello, and a magnificent March to you!
Being comfortable with the uncomfortable
Welcome, or welcome back, to my newsletter.
Today's issue is about becoming comfortable with the uncomfortable.
Two of my favorite teachers have recently talked about this, so I can't dismiss it. Yet how could anyone be comfortable
with what isn't comfortable? It sounds like a paradox or contradiction or Zen koan, making no logical sense. Having studied
with each of these women for over a decade, I'm familiar with their emphasis on acknowledging our uncomfortable feelings,
not dismissing them. Is this what they mean?
One of these teachers, Carol Look, is a Master at
EFT or "tapping",
with devoted students all over the world. A foundational portion of EFT is self-acceptance. We often begin a round of tapping
with "Even though I'm angry (or scared, or depressed, or whatever the troubling emotion is), I accept myself and I accept these feelings". If someone
tries to say this, and can't, or bursts out crying since it's so difficult to accept the way she actually feels, that's a great
place to start exploring. Would you have a beloved friend or child reject her true feelings?
Sometimes it's easy to see an avoidance behavior in someone else. They may be creating big problems for themselves and those around
them by fiercely ignoring the elephant in the room which is obvious to others. Years ago a casual friend of mine would come to visit, and we'd
chat out on the deck so she could smoke. I noticed more than once that whenever she started to talk about her husband ignoring her, she'd reach
for a cigarette! This was the automatic way she coped with her upset and rising stress at not being heard by someone she cared about so deeply.
Self-care means being aware of and responding appropriately to our feelings. Note that acknowledging our uncomfortable feelings does not mean
wallowing in them. In fact, honestly and clearly acknowledging the unwanted feeling, how badly you feel or how deeply you seem to be "in the pit",
can often start to shift the feeling. Wallowing is churning the emotion around and around, telling yourself how awful things are, how no one
understands, how your life will never get better, etc. It may seem paradoxical, but accepting your situation and your feelings as fully as you
can will usually let your self-pitying attitude start to change, naturally.
Sweating out your frustration with exercise, or having a good cry in a place you feel safe, or journaling to get the emotion
out of you and onto the paper, can help. Then when you're calmer it's much easier to think clearly, to decide on the next
appropriate step for you. Sometimes the best thing to do when your feelings are raging out of control is to move, to go for a walk, or to take a shower
or bath which cleanses your energy field as well as your body. How many times have you heard people say they get their best ideas in the shower?
A healthy life is all about balance. In most places the weather isn't perfect and sunny every single day. We deal with the storms, knowing the rain helps
the flowers grow, maybe staying inside or bundling up if we do go out. We don't pretend it's not raining, and get all wet! And we know it's a waste of our energy
to rage at the heavens or get seriously depressed because we were looking forward to a clear day. If we look at our uncomfortable feelings like a rainy day, being
with them instead of running from them, "the sun will come out tomorrow", just like Little Orphan Annie sang. You can handle what arises, rain or shine.
For an article on visual blur formerly being my comfort zone,
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You're helping many other people!
Enjoy the start of this magical month of March.
I'll write again in a few weeks. Take care!